"To Help You I Must First Fall Down" Part 6 (the end)

There was only half a moon in the sky, but it was just as bright as one that was full.

            The stars were invisible underneath the fluorescent streetlights and neon bar signs, but I still knew they were there.

            I found myself sauntering over to the canal where the industrial ships motored through towards the docks. If the weather was pleasant, I would sometimes come here and just sit for hours. Being by the water was such a comfort for me. I loved to just sit on the edge and let my bare feet dangle over, crossing my arms on the lowest rail and leaning my chin into its nook. I would stare down at my reflection in the water, watching the tiny waves distort the image.

            But now, as I sat there on the concrete, my reflection looked more foreign than ever. It was barely visible in the light of the moon and far off street lamp- barely recognizable at all.

Maybe that will be you someday.

I was hurt now, but I had also been hurt countless times before. What could I possibly expect? This wasn’t disappointment. This was just the aftershock of my own selfish fantasy. Even after all this time, I still seemed to always expect something more than the worst. 

The wind began to pick up slightly, whipping my hair around in my face, pricking at my open eyes, making them tear.

I thought of Karin. I thought of what he could possibly be doing at that very moment. Had he fallen back asleep? Was he pacing his room with all the lights flicked on? Was he out in the streets looking for me? No. Stop that.

He didn’t understand. How could he?

I thought of the Christian at the heavy metal door, with the sweatshirt and the clipboard. I wondered if Karin would ever be turned away someday.

I was pulled out of the depths of my mind when I felt a wave of water wash over my foot, cold as the ocean in January. I was stunned to see how rough the water inside the canal had grown to be. I had never seen the water splash up so high. The wind didn’t feel strong enough to cause such a riot.

Suddenly, an enormous crack of thunder resonated through the city, rumbling the pavement. A wave sloshed completely over the edge of the canal, drenching me through my clothes. I jumped up and held onto the railing with both hands. I couldn’t see any other person.

Before the earth could recover from such a blow, another shook the city by the roots. At the same time the thunder rippled through the night, the entire sky lit up, an endless white, blinding me, washing the entire city out by its austerity.

For five seconds, all was quiet. Nothing throughout the entire city of Philadelphia stirred.

But just as quickly as the silence settled over, chaos broke out again as a massive earthquake rumbled the pavements. A giant crack raced through the city, speeding with the sound of an atomic bomb dropping thousands of feet.

White. All I saw was white. All I heard was the buzzing, a shrill sound, like an insect flying into my ear.

Then, the earth gave way underneath me, the railing jerked out from my reach. I fell into the crashing water and was pulled under the diabolical waves. And all was silent.